Abhishek Mehrotra asks Wayne Who? The world's best player is thin, short and NOT bald. No debate or protests entertained.

Team of the Week 18 lines up as a 4-4-2 that can take all comers.

Chema (Xerez vs. Tenerife)

If Xerez somehow manage to avoid relegation this season - they should build a temple in homage to their keeper. Preserved his side's lead with some lightning reflexes and denied Nino from the penalty spot - a save which earned his side a precious, precious three points.

Felipe Mattoni (Mallorca vs. Atletico Madrid)
His volley was impressive for its violence as well as precision, and put the sheen on what was already a polished Mallorca performance. He troubled the opposition defence all day long, drawing some excellent saves from David De Gea. Snuffed out whatever weak attacking threat Atletico offered with ease.

Ivan Gonzalez (Malaga vs. Villareal)
The unheralded centre-back was the depth charge that blew up any attacking threat posed by the Yellow Submarine. His excellent tackling was especially vital in the second half when Villareal threw all they could muster at the home side.

Cesar Arzo (Deportivo vs. Valladolid)
Restricted the match fancied Deportivo side to long range efforts and helped his team move up to 18th in the La Liga table. Marshalled the backline with aplomb and won possession for his side with some impressive pressing of Depor's forwards.

Christian Fernandez (Osasuna vs. Racing Santander)
Raided Osasuna's left flank with all the fearlessness of a tax inspector. His crosses were frequent, pacy and accurate. Santander's forwards failed to take advantage of them however, and so the left back decided to show them how it was done by heading in a Pedro Munitis free-kick.

Yaya Toure (Zaragoza vs. Barcelona)
The Catalans looked in control at the back as long as the younger Toure was around. Ranged across the pitch and put out any fires that threatened to become infernos. Made some typically rangy runs into the Zaragoza half - and added to the home side's defensive worries. His substitution in the second half led to a minor wobble at the back when the champions let in two goals.

Xabi Alonso (Real Madrid vs. Gijon)
Did what he does best - pull the strings from midfield with all the dexterity of a puppeteer. Was the sole shining light in a damp Madrid performance and settled some jangling nerves by nodding in an Esteban Granero corner.

David Silva (Valencia vs. Almeria)
One goal and one assist don't do justice to Silva's contribution. Was involved in almost every attack that Valencia mounted - right from the first opportunity when he was denied by Diego Alves until the second goal when he bundled the ball while on the ground past the Almeria keeper.

Manu (Athletic Bilbao vs. Getafe)
Was the spearhead of a spirited Getafe attack. Drew his side level by rifling the ball into the net and opened spaces for other to take advantage of by drawing defenders towards him. Linked up superbly with Miku to bombard the Bilbao goal.

Dani Osvaldo (Espanyol vs. Sevilla)
Struck a brace to win three points for Espanyol against a powerful Sevilla side. Had the opposition defenders calling out for Aspirin - such was the headache he caused with his movement. Sevilla keeper Andres Palop is probably applying a soothing cream to relieve the pain of Osvaldo's stinging strikes.

Lionel Messi (Zaragoza vs. Barcelona)
Scored three and won the penalty for Barcelona's fourth. If anyone says Wayne Rooney is the best player in the world, you are hereby given license to commit violent homicide.